Wow!! Well for everyone awaiting the big news, it's here! Two little girls have arrived to keep us on our toes! I am writing this on day 2 of having them and plan to keep everyone updated as much as possible. I will start by telling you a little background info of why the girls came to us. The girls who are 2 and 3 (almost 4) years old were removed from their homes because of unacceptable living conditions and neglect. The parents of the girls are very young, 18 & 19. Mom had the oldest when she was barely 15. A lot of family tragedy and trauma has had its way with this family and the girls. The girl's dad is not really in the picture. He and mom do not have a good relationship, and there is a lot of substance abuse and dealing that dad carries on. The whole situation had become overwhelming for their very young mother and that's when OCS (office of children's services) stepped in and took custody of the girls. Shortly after we received the call...
We got the call that there were 2 little girls who needed care and we got all the background info. There were a couple of things that were very important to this case. 1. This was not an adoptable situation. The family is very large, on both sides. For whatever reason, if mom is not able to regain custody of the children, there are family members (in other states) that are willing to adopt. 2. Grandpa (Papa), who is the girl's mom's dad, is very much involved and a big part of the girl's life. He is just unable to provide the stability and support they are in desperate need of on his own. He will be a large part of this process and providing the extra support for us (taking them some weekends, babysitting, etc...). And 3. This is somewhat of an agreed upon placement, which means mom agrees that the girls are in need of more than she can provide right now. She is voluntarily enrolling in a program that teaches her how to "get her stuff together", and that the program can be anywhere from 6 months to a year. This means it could be a pretty long placement, depending on how she does.
The girls are doing very well so far. The oldest is definitely having a harder time adjusting emotionally. We have to remember they came from a home that had no structure whatsoever. There were no rules, the girls did whatever they could imagine to do. They have immediately bonded with the dogs! They run around the house saying "Here puppy puppy puppy!!!" and kissing their lips together. The dogs are usually terrified hiding under the bed! Not really, the dogs have been so amazing with them, letting them chase, play, and tease them...We are still working on the boundaries :) The biggest thing I've noticed, with both of them, is their wanting to help. They love to do things with you and love receiving that positive praise for a job well done. Tonight they helped make pizzas and afterward, help put the dishes away! They loved every minute! And we are enjoying every minute we get to hang out with them!
In two weeks there will be one more court hearing to determine length of custody. The state was only granted temporary custody until a full on hearing with attorneys and all can be held. After this we will know approximately how long to expect to have the girls, and work out a plan from there. I hope to keep you guys updated as much as possible. Thanks for reading!
Holly and Jason
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Starting Out
Well, I honestly never thought I would ever have enough to say to even start a blog, but here I am, and with A LOT to say! Please keep in mind I am in no way a writer or editor. I am here to put my thoughts on "paper" and hope to give a little insight.
I wanted to start a blog for my friends and family to inform them on a major step that we have taken to move forward in our lives. Jason and I live so far away from family sometimes its hard to communicate a lot of things (especially the hard things) that happen to us, that normally we would, if at home, would have amazing support with. Simply said... Jason and I, (for many reasons in which you will learn), have entered into the process of Foster Parenting! I sort of wanted to answer some of the questions that we have been getting a lot of lately... sort of the who, what, when, where and whys of our new adventure...
I'm sure the first question, naturally, would be "why?". There are many answers to this question.The reason that we started looking into foster parenting was because we have been unsuccessful at carrying out 3 pregnancies. For some of our close friends and family, this may or may not be known information to you. It wasn't something we shared with many people. It is just now becoming tolerable to talk about. We (the doctors, family, Jason and I) have yet to find a reason for the miscarriages. In August is when we had our last miscarriage and decided to put having a baby on hold and start looking for alternative ways to start a family. Well no, I guess that's not completely accurate. We were considering fostering BEFORE we found out we were pregnant this last time. We were unsure of how likely it was that we would be able to get pregnant and that's when we made the first inquiries about foster parenting.
In my heart I always had a special spot for fostering/adoption. I've always known that it would be part of my life. Even before we found out that having a child of our own would be difficult we had discussed adoption as a possibility somewhere in our lives. Now, with a little more life experience, realizing the need for good foster homes, and having great experience (but most definitely not enough) with child development, we have decided this is what is right for us now.
The next question when we talk to people about becoming foster parents is "When do you get the kids?" This is a question that is definitely up in the air right now. Jason and I are going through the licensing process as we speak. There was some paperwork involved, references went out to family and friends that have to be returned, and background checks have to come back clear. Just last week we had our licensing agent come to our home from Wasilla AK to do an interview/ home inspection. Basically he sat us down to go over the "do's and don'ts" of fostering. He did a check of our home to make sure we had adequate space for children, that our home was up to safety standards, and that we were up to fire code (which it wasn't and that's hilarious b/c it's government housing! But nothing that couldn't be fixed). So, after everything comes back clear and references come back positive (they better!!) we should receive a license. After we are licensed we are able to take in children. This could be right away or it could take a while depending on the need.
"What ages and ethnicity's of the children are you willing to accept?"
When we first started talking to people about this and I was asked this question, to be honest, I hadn't even thought about it. At the time it was anyone, anytime, anywhere type of feeling. Now after doing research and listening to what other foster parents have gone through, we have decided that an age range of 0-11 years of age would be best for our family. With this we've also agreed that we would love to have siblings and that if need be this age range would be flexible to have those siblings stay together. As far as ethnicity's go we are wide open. There is a large Native Alaskan population here in Kodiak and a lot of Native Alaskan children in the foster care system. I was informed though that they really try to keep that culture together and place the children with other Native families. So, we will cross that bridge when we get there...
Another little part to this topic is special needs. In a questionnaire we were asked to fill out, we had to check boxes of which kinds of special needs we were willing to accept into our family. WOW... I mean you think you know and then you have to check those boxes. It was truly and eye opener for us. Everything from pregnant teens to HIV positive/AIDS children, behaviors from cruelty to animals to a sexual perpetrator. The lists are 2 pages long. Where do you draw the line? We also have to take into account where we live and the limited resources available to us here on an island.
So right now, its basically a waiting game. We are waiting to receive our license and anytime after we have that piece of paper we can accept children into our home! We are VERY excited and VERY nervous at the thought of becoming parents "overnight". The thought is a little overwhelming but I think we are as ready as we can be. We have starting reading a couple different books, Success as a Foster Parent by the National Foster Parent Association with Rachel Greene Baldino and Learning the Dance of Attachment by Holly van Gulden and Charlotte Vick. We have also been listening to an amazing Podcast, "Foster Parenting Podcast" with Tim and Wendy. They report weekly on their experiences as foster parents and their experiences with "the system". And we are always looking for different resources and ways to gain knowledge about how to be a good parent :)
Well, I would really like to get this posted for everyone to read. I could keep writing but I keep telling everyone... "soon, soon...its coming soon!" Please feel free to ask questions or share any information! I hope to post often and the next post should be when we receive our license! Keep us in your thoughts and prayers!
A special thank you to our family and our friends who have supported us fully and given us the courage and strength to move forward in this decision, we love you!!
Holly and Jason
I wanted to start a blog for my friends and family to inform them on a major step that we have taken to move forward in our lives. Jason and I live so far away from family sometimes its hard to communicate a lot of things (especially the hard things) that happen to us, that normally we would, if at home, would have amazing support with. Simply said... Jason and I, (for many reasons in which you will learn), have entered into the process of Foster Parenting! I sort of wanted to answer some of the questions that we have been getting a lot of lately... sort of the who, what, when, where and whys of our new adventure...
I'm sure the first question, naturally, would be "why?". There are many answers to this question.The reason that we started looking into foster parenting was because we have been unsuccessful at carrying out 3 pregnancies. For some of our close friends and family, this may or may not be known information to you. It wasn't something we shared with many people. It is just now becoming tolerable to talk about. We (the doctors, family, Jason and I) have yet to find a reason for the miscarriages. In August is when we had our last miscarriage and decided to put having a baby on hold and start looking for alternative ways to start a family. Well no, I guess that's not completely accurate. We were considering fostering BEFORE we found out we were pregnant this last time. We were unsure of how likely it was that we would be able to get pregnant and that's when we made the first inquiries about foster parenting.
In my heart I always had a special spot for fostering/adoption. I've always known that it would be part of my life. Even before we found out that having a child of our own would be difficult we had discussed adoption as a possibility somewhere in our lives. Now, with a little more life experience, realizing the need for good foster homes, and having great experience (but most definitely not enough) with child development, we have decided this is what is right for us now.
The next question when we talk to people about becoming foster parents is "When do you get the kids?" This is a question that is definitely up in the air right now. Jason and I are going through the licensing process as we speak. There was some paperwork involved, references went out to family and friends that have to be returned, and background checks have to come back clear. Just last week we had our licensing agent come to our home from Wasilla AK to do an interview/ home inspection. Basically he sat us down to go over the "do's and don'ts" of fostering. He did a check of our home to make sure we had adequate space for children, that our home was up to safety standards, and that we were up to fire code (which it wasn't and that's hilarious b/c it's government housing! But nothing that couldn't be fixed). So, after everything comes back clear and references come back positive (they better!!) we should receive a license. After we are licensed we are able to take in children. This could be right away or it could take a while depending on the need.
"What ages and ethnicity's of the children are you willing to accept?"
When we first started talking to people about this and I was asked this question, to be honest, I hadn't even thought about it. At the time it was anyone, anytime, anywhere type of feeling. Now after doing research and listening to what other foster parents have gone through, we have decided that an age range of 0-11 years of age would be best for our family. With this we've also agreed that we would love to have siblings and that if need be this age range would be flexible to have those siblings stay together. As far as ethnicity's go we are wide open. There is a large Native Alaskan population here in Kodiak and a lot of Native Alaskan children in the foster care system. I was informed though that they really try to keep that culture together and place the children with other Native families. So, we will cross that bridge when we get there...
Another little part to this topic is special needs. In a questionnaire we were asked to fill out, we had to check boxes of which kinds of special needs we were willing to accept into our family. WOW... I mean you think you know and then you have to check those boxes. It was truly and eye opener for us. Everything from pregnant teens to HIV positive/AIDS children, behaviors from cruelty to animals to a sexual perpetrator. The lists are 2 pages long. Where do you draw the line? We also have to take into account where we live and the limited resources available to us here on an island.
So right now, its basically a waiting game. We are waiting to receive our license and anytime after we have that piece of paper we can accept children into our home! We are VERY excited and VERY nervous at the thought of becoming parents "overnight". The thought is a little overwhelming but I think we are as ready as we can be. We have starting reading a couple different books, Success as a Foster Parent by the National Foster Parent Association with Rachel Greene Baldino and Learning the Dance of Attachment by Holly van Gulden and Charlotte Vick. We have also been listening to an amazing Podcast, "Foster Parenting Podcast" with Tim and Wendy. They report weekly on their experiences as foster parents and their experiences with "the system". And we are always looking for different resources and ways to gain knowledge about how to be a good parent :)
Well, I would really like to get this posted for everyone to read. I could keep writing but I keep telling everyone... "soon, soon...its coming soon!" Please feel free to ask questions or share any information! I hope to post often and the next post should be when we receive our license! Keep us in your thoughts and prayers!
A special thank you to our family and our friends who have supported us fully and given us the courage and strength to move forward in this decision, we love you!!
Holly and Jason
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